Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Hey Jenny, give me a call
 Posted
by Gill Michaelson
With love in your name, how can you miss? Jennifer Love-Hewitt is for lack of a better term, amazing. Almond eyes, silky hair, a power ass, small waist and beautiful breasts; she is a work of art.
Who else is a work of art? Email me gillmicahelson@myway.com and I will post your suggestions and make fun of stupid ones.
posted by Gill 6:21 AM
Thursday, July 10, 2003
Pss the bottle before you pass out
Posted
by Gill Michaelson
A loyal reader has posted the following question:
I like to go out 2 or 3 times a week and I usually wind up getting shitty drunk, blacking out and then regretting my actions the next morning. I think this is a bad pattern and I need some advice as how to stop.
I am amazed at what people have to deal with on a regular basis. Stop? Why would you possibly want to stop? Partying is really the essence of life. It allows you to explore the world outside your meaningless 9 to 5 existence. It puts a good break in your routine, and encourages you to become the real you.
Why would you be embarrassed about that you do when drunk? You are simply trying to accommodate a societal perception of how you should behave. Screw the rules (except for drunk driving) and say what you want, do what you like and enjoy the moment.
You know you want a drink right now.
As an aside….. I am working on assembling a national get drunk at work day. It will be fun and details are to follow…. Stay tuned.
posted by Gill 6:03 AM
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Dear Abby.... I'm a baby-man....or man-baby
Posted
by Gill Michaelson
As many of you know, I was in a slump suffering from writers block. As I am retired from actual jobs, and am free to write as my main occupation, it became doubly difficult to be unmotivated. Many of you sent in questions for me to answer and I this sparked an idea.
We will have a message board up soon and an advice column. Today I tackle one of the better questions posed to me. This comes from Larry S in Toledo:
My girl friend was giving me a hard time last night about going out with my friends. I only get to do this once a month, and don’t usually get home until one or two…. She wants me home by midnight, and I think that is way too early. I’m not out screwing other girls, just having a beer with the boys. How do we reach some sort of compromise so I can stay out later?
A compprowhat? Seriously man, you need to learn something: You are in charge of you life, and your wife. Put your foot down, go out when you like as late as you want and tell her that is how it is going to be. Women admire a man of convictions, and secretly like being told what to do. She may see a little taken aback at first, but this will make her want you more and more.
Just take a look at the 1950’s for example. Men were definitely in charge of the house then. Working a long day, coming home to a hot meal, and then going to play some pool with the boys was the norm of the day. If you look at TV shows from back then you can see the harmony that existed in many homes. Today’s TV shows depict spineless men being ruled by their wives with children that are unruly and promiscuous.
Some of you may argue that that is just TV. Do some research and see how TV mirrors popular societal trends. If you are like Ray Romono, the guy from King of Queens, or any of those other weak males portrayed on TV get a grip. Get control of your house and your spouse and watch you life dramatically improve.
You know I’m right.
posted by Gill 6:57 AM
Wednesday, July 02, 2003
This is why
Posted
by Gill Michaelson
Right now. This second.... Is why drunk guys should not Blog. I am totally loaded, and i am still better off than most.
Some one, some where pleease entertain me.
It's worth alot of cash.
No?
Fags...
posted by Gill 8:52 PM
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
Posted
by Gill Michaelson
It's like a disease....
No I am not talking about spending time with poor people. I?¦m talking about writers block. I have not written anything meaningful in over a week and I?¦m pissed. I have great stories to tell all of you but I can?¦t seem to get them on paper. Look what I have to choose from, in the last week alone I:
„X Hung out with Dave Matthews
„X Spent 2 nights in Las Vegas
„X Got piss drunk twice
„X And had the interior of my Porsche redone.
It must be that these things just seem normal to me now, kind of like daily routine. I guess I need to spice it up a little bit. I?¦m going to the fights tonight, so that could prove interesting. Drop me a line and tell me what you think will be interesting to hear about. If I have done it, I?¦ll write it. If I haven?¦t; give me ten days to accomplish the challenge and have the story up.
posted by Gill 7:14 AM
Friday, June 20, 2003
CNN SUCKS!
 Posted
by FrankChalmers
Booze should really be non-caloric. What the hell are they waiting for? If the lab monkeys can whoop up diet sodas, what’s the big hold up with beer? I remember I heard a report on Headline News about a year ago, that the enzyme in beer that makes one get a beer belly had been pinpointed and the drug to reverse this effect was forthcoming. Now, if those morons at Headline news thought that a drinker like me would just let that piece of “time filler” just pass into the cosmos, then they have another thing coming. Seriously, are we all just a bunch of ass-Muppets that deserve to be lied too on a daily basis, so that “X” news agency can fill its entire day with bullshit? Face it; the best thing for news in a long time was the war. What better way to finally, once and for all, show everyone your true colors? In the end it was way apparent that on the one side you had CNN (left) and the other you had FOX (right). Not to make this too big a deal, but I was starting to get way pissed off when we were only three days into the war and the best thing that CNN could pull off was a bunch of frigin’ protesters in NYC. Turns out that it was one of those socialist agenda groups that organized that one. Perhaps you remember it, it was called a “die in.” Fucking idiots, get a job!
So, I suppose that the ra-ra-re-re mentality of FOX wasn’t much better, but fuckin-a people. The country is at war and you want to hear about how wrong we are for being there? It’s already a done deal and they're still asking Sheryl Crow what she thinks…. If you want that kinda pain, go get a tattoo on your eyeball.
There have been sobering moments that that I think,maybe we are all sitting ringside as the new regime takes over. Could be, but if you truly think that any of this would have happened with the eleventh removed, then you must be a fool. Take out the extreme on both side and the middle is usually the truth. My middle seems to still be a bit to the right.
Oh well, I have some more beer to drink. So, if anyone sees Rupert Murdoch , tell that genius I expect that beer pill in my mailbox on Monday… Or a diet Guinness.
OUT
posted by FrankChalmers 8:10 PM
Thursday, June 19, 2003
God Almighty, You Woke Him Up
Posted
by Gill Michaelson
Frank and I have been best friends since we were kids. I can’t believe he has made a stunning realization. The Democratic Party simply exists to provide balance to the political system. Liberal, hippy, lazy freaks; you are on notice. If Frank understands that the tide is turning, you better be next.
Let me explain this to you in simple terms. The Republicans want you to keep you to keep your money, work hard, and buy things to enhance the economy. The Democrats want to take money from hard working people and give it to the lazy slobs who decide they do not want to work. There is no argument to it. This is a fact. If you like… you can look it up. Now, just follow these 5 easy steps to becoming a Republican and enjoying a better life.
1) Shave. (Men your face, women your legs)
2) Get a suit. (Navy blue)
3) Set a goal for yourself. Here is a good one, find a job and stop collecting Welfare.
4) Learn the following words and terms: Reganomics, Tax Deferred Annuity, Trust Fund, and Ditto Head.
5) Register to vote and learn how to operate a voting device. I think you know what I am getting at.
Now, the above does not apply to the following groups: Artists, Actors, Social Workers, and Musicians. 75% of those people do support themselves and actually believe the whacky ideas of the Liberal policy makers. To you I say, Enjoy your delusion. The other 25% need to act like they believe it so people will think they are sensitive and continue to support their work.
You know it’s true.
posted by Gill 1:50 PM
Don't Women Hit Sexual Prime at 40?
Posted
by FrankChalmers
Well it seems that Gill and I have left out some very important people again! During Gill’s inebriated ramblings and my last article we have forgotten to mention one thing… No, wait… We left out just about everything, but I digress. It seems that older women, the 40+ crowd are feeling a bit neglected. Well don’t!!!!! It just so happens that some of my favorite porn sites are M.I.L.F sites. Do your own research if you have no idea as to what a M.I.L.F. is.
On a lighter note the website will be completely up and running in early July. Yes you will still be able to find the Gill and Frank posts, but with a ton more material, too. New contributors, an advice column and monthly contests. Also, if there is something you would like to see, send us an email and we’ll see if it’s worthy for the site. So stay tuned to our occasional posts and see you at the retooled site next month!!!!!!
OUT!
posted by FrankChalmers 9:01 AM
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